Resilience Blog

Back to the Basics

Hi, Best Friend,

We’ve got to talk…like for real. We need to get back to the basics with the men in our lives. I flew out of town yesterday and when I arrived my driver told me that he provides Black Car Service for some star athletes. (Let’s just call him Mike for the sake of this story).

He goes on to tell me that his athlete client threw a birthday party for himself and the driver, MIKE 😉 was instructed by the athlete to drive him to all the strip clubs so he could pick out the most talented girls in each club for the party (he didn’t use that verbiage exactly…he used other colorful terms. I swear SOME men I speak to either think I am one of them, they don’t have respect for women or some combo of both). Here’s where the plot thickens…

So when the women arrived, the athlete had their entire bodies spray painted in gold. They were to walk around naked, with their newly gold-gilded bodies, and serve as the waiter service for the evening. He spent approx $30,000 for this…ahem…service.

Best Friend, Mike was so impressed with his athlete client and his story and I just listened…waiting for my turn to speak. When there was a lull in the story, I said, “Mike, it sounds like your client is stuck in the Man Box. He spray painted their bodies to distance himself from their humanity. In his mind, women are objects, primarily sexual objects, not human beings. Painting them gold solidified that in his mind. By doing this he is showing that men are superior and women are weak. They have nothing more to offer than their service to men.” I explained a few more things to give him something more to think about. There was a HUGE pregnant pause in the conversation and Mike said, “I think you’re right. I didn’t think about it in that way.” #Winning

Best Friend, we need to get back to the BASICS. We need to teach our men to value a woman’s life, treat women equally, never use language that denigrates women and girls, AND develop an interest in the experience of women and girls, outside of sexual conquest. According to A CALL TO MEN, these are some of the basic building blocks of healthy manhood.

I am asking you to do me a favor – friend to friend. Get your son, boyfriend, husband, cousin, co-worker, best friend, golf buddy, grandpa, uncle, father, coach, teacher and all of their friends to come to my event on October 2. We are going to have some open honest convo about being a healthy man. ***The presence and participation of women is both honored and appreciated; however, seating is limited.***

A CALL TO MEN (, the leading voice on healthy masculinity, is co-hosting this event with my organization, Haven of Light International, Inc. ( This event has been made possible in part by a grant from the Social Responsibility Department of the National Football League.

I am called to be a champion for cultural change. I am giving a CALL TO ACTION for you to join me in promoting healthy manhood and decreasing violence against women and girls! Join me today!
💜 Kimya

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